Saturday, September 13, 2014

BEGGIN' FOR CHEAP (Sketch #10) The Railway Series


BEGGIN’ FOR CHEAP (THE NAIL SALON)

Renée A. Hermiz

INT. NAIL SALON – DAY

JESS and SHERIE walk into a rickety Nail Salon.

SHERIE
See, I told you!  A Mani-Pedi is 13 bucks.

JESS
I don’t know, Sherie.  This nail salon sure looks shady. I don’t want to spend money for crap service.

SHERIE
Jess, you’re my best friend. Have I ever steered you wrong? Beggin’ for cheap in Harlem doesn’t provide many choices.

WORKER 1 tries to fit a tiny sandal on PATRON’S large foot.

PATRON
Mamee, forget it. Use a male flip flop instead.

WORKER 1
Man fli-fla, 99 cen’.

PATRON
Yeah, whatever … man, woman … I can swing a dollar for a man’s size. At least it’ll fit!

SHERIE
(to Jess)
A dollar is nothing compared to the trauma of getting a sandal shoved over your foot.

WORKER 1
(to Sherie)
You!  No yo business! Dolla is dolla.

JESS
(to Sherie)
I’m questioning the steering, Sherie …

WORKER 1
Go si’ down on chair.  Pick a color!

JESS and SHERIE pick a nail polish color and sit down.

SHERIE
I want detailing on my toes, mamee. How much is it for the baby toes?

WORKER 1
Fi’ dolla.

SHERIE
Dang.  How much for the big toes then?

WORKER 1
Is da same.  Fi’ dolla.

SHERIE
What?  C’mon mamee.  One’s smaller than the other one.  I’ll give you five dollars for the big toes and two for the little ones.

WORKER 1
Fi’ dolla every toe or me no do no toes. You say “dolla is nothing” – YOU say!

SHERIE
Damn, girl, alright.  Yeah, I said so about the flops – for 1 dollar, not 5.  My bad. Shit, just do the BIG toes for 5 then. My baby toes aren’t worth that amount just yet.

WORKER 2 enters.

WORKER 2
(to Jess)
You wan’ detail on yo nail?

JESS
No ma’am!  My toes don’t add up to a dollar right now. My limbs are hardly at 5!

WORKER 2
I see why.  You go’ too much skin.  Need scrape. 5 dolla extra.

JESS
No, no. Just a regular pedicure … I’d rather not pay for having my skin scraped off.

WORKER
Lot o’ dead skin. Then do medicine. 2 dolla.

JESS
You want me to pay you to put chemicals on my feet that you call medicine?  Uh-uh.  I don’t think so, ma’am. Just the $13 job please. No extras.

Construction noise. A piece of the salon ceiling collapses.

JESS
Oh my God!  Your ceiling just fell!

WORKER 1
Is jus’ a piece, mamee.  Is over there. Not on you. No discount!

JESS
Not on me, but near me!  Who’s thinking about discounts? I want to get out of here and live. Can you leave my toes alone now?

WORKER 2
You no finish, mamee. Still need paint.

JESS
You’re going to hold my toes hostage because they need paint after your ceiling fell to the floor? This isn’t about extras.

WORKER 1
Is construction outside. Not our fault.

SHERIE
I’m worth more than $13! Your ceiling almost killed me. I’m not paying for this!

JESS
Sherie, I’ll pay.  Let’s just leave.

SHERIE
The dust ruined my toes and I jus’ spent five dollars on those big ones!

WORKER 2
Dolla is dolla.

WORKER 1
5 dolla discount fo’ ceiling collapse.

SHERIE
And a free pair of those flip flops!

JESS
Annnd your “life story” just went down with the roof.  This is giving me a headache…

WORKER 2
Wan’ some pill? 2 dolla …

BLACKOUT.





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