HAL STANDS HIS GROUND (A SEQUEL) SKETCH #8

HAL STANDS HIS GROUND (A SEQUEL)

Renée A. Hermiz

EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND – DAY

HAL runs from a trio of bullies, led by BULLY 1.

BULLY 1

We’re gonna rip your pants off and everyone’s gonna see your geek-dom, dweeb!

HAL

No!  No, I don’t want anybody to see my geekness or my dom-dom!  Pleaaaaaase!

The voice of MOM stops Hal in his tracks.

MOM (VO)

(God-like, echoing the last phrases)

You’re in Middle School now, son.  You need to stand your ground … stand your ground …

stand your ground …

HAL

(to bullies)

Stop!  You wanna rip my pants off, do ya?  Well, let me save you the trouble.

Hal pulls his pants down to his ankles.

BULLY TRIO

(shrieks of laughter)

You nerd!  That’s pathetic.  Loser!

Hal turns around in agitation, modeling his boxers and swinging his hips.

HAL

You all wanted to see it, so see it!  Who are the losers now?  Boom!  Bam!  Hal the nerrrrrd’s been stripped—!

POLICEMAN enters.

POLICEMAN

All right, let’s go pal.

BULLY TRIO

(woos and laughter)

Take him away!  He’s indecent! 

Obscene dorkus!

Policeman hauls Hal off with his pants still down.

HAL

I was just standing my ground …

INT. BOYS BATHROOM – DAY

Bully Trio holds Hal over a toilet.

BULLY 2

Get ready to taste some Halcompoop.

BULLY 3

Haha!  Hal-come-poop – that’s so great.

HAL

Stop, stop!  (desperate) Wanna know

what else is great?

BULLY 1

What could be greater than shoving your face in the throne, your twerpness?

HAL

(matter-of-factly)

Put me down and I’ll show you.

Bully Trio puts Hal down. Hal adjusts himself, gathers a handful of water from the toilet, and drinks it.

BULLY TRIO

Ugh, gross!  Moron! Dip-shit!

HAL

(shouts)

Well, that’s what you wanted to see, isn’t it?  There!  I don’t need you to shove me in … ooooo (in Bully voice) we’re gonna toss Hal in the toilet and then get grossed out.

Well, how about THIS?  Get grossed out at THIS!

Hal shoves his whole face in the toilet, wiggling it around and blowing bubbles.  Bully Trio backs away, weirded out and the PRINCIPAL walks in.

PRINCIPAL

Just what is going on here?  (notices Hal) That is disgusting!  All right, let’s go. 

Principal pulls Hal out of the toilet and drags him off.

HAL

Don’t you get it?  I’m just standing ground!

EXT. SCHOOLYARD – DAY

TEACHER

Collect as many worms in your bowls as possible, but make sure you keep them alive so we can dissect them fresh.

Bully Trio, Hal and classmates dig for worms. Their bowls are full.  Bully Trio avoids Hal …

HAL

(going up to Bully Trio)

All right.  Let me have it.

BULLY 2

(uncomfortable)

Let you have what?

HAL

The bowl of worms, duhhh…

BULLY 3

(quietly)

We’re not giving you our bowls, Hal.  We’re in class now … finishing our assignment.

HAL

Aw, no … don’t give me that.  You’re bullies.  You don’t care about assignments … You, as bullies, force me to eat those worms. Me, as nerd, does it. So hand ‘em over.

BULLY 1 cradles his bowl, freaked out.

BULLY 1

I don’t want to see you eat no worms, man.

It’s over, ok? You’re not a nerd, you’re …

HAL

I’m … ??

BULLY 1

I don’t know, dude, you got some mental stuff goin’ on …

Bully 2 and 3 nod.  Hal stands his ground.

HAL

(eerily calm, commanding)

Hand me your bowls.

Bully Trio hands Hal their bowls.  Hal starts eating the worms. Teacher notices.

TEACHER

What are you doing?!  You’re, you’re eating my worms! All right … come with—

Hal’s already walking towards the Principal’s office.

BLACKOUT.