HOLD THE ROSARY AND
TAKE THE MOON
Renée A. Hermiz
INT. DETROIT AIRPORT – DAY
MOM, KAY and NINA are
standing with their luggage at the airport counter.
KAY
Hi. Um, we missed our flight to LA.
REPRESENTATIVE
I’m
sorry to hear that. It’ll be a thousand
dollars each to take the next flight out of Detroit.
NINA
A
thou--? Wait a second, but you excuse missing flights under extenuating
circumstances, don’t you?
REPRESENTATIVE
We
absolutely do, however—
MOM
(pulls out a Rosary)
--would
a raging Semi traveling at over 90 miles per hour and smashing into our 15 year
old Sedan pass as an extenuating circumstance?
REPRESENTATIVE
Oh
my God. Cer … certainly it would. We can give you 50% off the ticket prices.
Mom hands Kay the Rosary.
KAY
(meekly to Representative)
Hi
there. Wouldn’t that mean that we would
still have to pay $500 a piece on top of what we lost from the missing flight?
REPRESENTATIVE
Well,
yes, I’m sorry, but that’s our policy.
KAY
I
see. I suppose we forgot to mention that
in this, our first ever accident, we barely escaped with our lives?
NINA
In
fact, one of us, Father Samuel, did not.
REPRESENTATIVE
A
priest died?
KAY
Yes,
we were dropping him off to perform funeral rites for a bus of orphaned
children that blew up from a vehicular malfunction from a flash-in-the-pan manufacturer
whose cars were recalled too late.
REPRESENTATIVE
Oh
my, oh my God. That’s awful. Wa … of
course we’ll do anything we can to help?
Kay hands Nina the Rosary.
NINA
Well
… seeing as how it’s a miracle we survived this tragedy, it’d be nice not to
have to be punished for living through it by paying additional ticket fees.
REPRESENTATIVE
You
know, you’re right. We can’t ask you all
to do that after what you’ve just been through.
We’ll get you on the next flight out of here free of charge – it leaves
tomorrow morning.
MOM
Tomorrow
morning, huh? Did we forget to mention
that our car was completely totaled and now we’re penniless with no way to get
home for the night, especially after our life savings donation to the orphanage?
REPRESENTATIVE
Oh
goodness, how thoughtless of me. We’ll
put you up at the best hotel near the airport, pay for your cab fare and get
you first-class seats so that you can be as comfortable as possible when you
fly out tomorrow morning.
KAY
Well
… yes, that’s all great, but did we forget to mention the reason we’re on our
way to California and why it’s imperative we get there tonight?
MOM
The
concer—oh! Ann … it’s Ann!
NINA
Yes,
Ann … our other saint of a sister who is having a baby without a husband—
MOM
(shouts)
--with
a husband! Of course she has a husband, she’s a Chaldean/Assyrian girl. (to Nina) Don’t think dirty. (to Representative) He’s in the Middle East
sacrificing his life for the good of mankind as she bears their first child …
in labor, as we speak … with none of us around her.
KAY
Now,
he’s stuck for another three – no, six – months while Ann—
MOM
Kay,
don’t push –
KAY
--sorry.
I got carried away.
MOM
Oh,
I can’t take it anymore!
Mom walks away, pounding
her chest. Nina brings her back.
KAY
Please,
Mom! Don’t do anything rash. (to Rep) Is
there any way you could get us there sooner?
REPRESENTATIVE
You
all are so brave to journey on, even after the accident – accidents. Wow.
NINA
We’re
troopers …
REPRESENTATIVE
Let’s
… uh … oh dear … there are no other open flights out to Los Angeles until
tomorrow morning because of the Katy Perry concert. You know what, no. We’re just going to have to get you there by
private jet tonight in time for the baby!
KAY
Yes!
Mom? Mom? Slow down. Breathe.
MOM
It’s
my heart …
REPRESENTATIVE
Oh,
all the trauma. Is there anything else
we can do?
NINA
Well
… we definitely don’t want to forget to mention that complimentary limo
services while we’re in LA usually help to calm her …
KAY
…
and, certainly with life so short, it doesn’t hurt to ask how much flights are going
for to the Moon these days?
BLACKOUT
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